Reflection
by DigiExpert
Summary: Paraietta thinks that she's never felt utter despair, but she was wrong about that, very wrong. However, Aaeru knows it's best not let that pull her down... she can't help thinking about it though.


**This would make for my third fic dealing with episode 13. This is starting to become like the fics centered around Mamiina's death... anyway, here ya go!**

She had retreated to the observation deck, the one place where she felt at peace. The night air was cool on her skin, soothing the spot on her arm that still smarted some from where Paraietta had grabbed her. No one was out here and she hadn't expected anyone to be. At least here she wouldn't be scolded; she'd had enough of that for the day. Her music box played in the palm of her hand, the familiar tune drifting on the breeze.

Aaeru groaned inwardly when she heard the door open behind her. She recognized the heavier footfalls. She didn't need to turn around to know that it hadn't taken Paraietta long to find her. She didn't speak to her, but instead continued to pay attention to the music, hoping the elder Sibylla would go away.

"Just what's your problem, Aaeru?" asked Paraietta angrily.

"I don't have a problem," she replied.

"Then why do you keep saying things that intentionally hurt Neviril? Everything that happened today is all your fault."

Aaeru waited a few moments before answering. She had hoped that maybe Paraietta would disappear and leave her alone, but that wasn't the case. She decided to answer her question. She meant what she said; she had had no intention of hurting Neviril. She didn't think she was hurting Neviril when she'd asked the questions to begin with. She had only thought that Neviril was the one meant to be her pair, the one she was meant to fly highest with. If they were together, they could do anything, couldn't they? She still thought so, but Neviril didn't seem so sure.

Paraietta wasn't pleased either. Aaeru was surprised to hear the question that popped from her mouth, so surprised that she turned around and looked at the older girl. She had never doubted herself and she didn't doubt Neviril either. Things would work out in the end. Paraietta didn't give her time to answer before asking another question, one that hit home more than the other would ever know. She quickly turned back around, not wanting any emotions to play across her face that would give her away.

She gave as simple of an answer as she could. "If I had, what good would it do?" She meant that, every word of it. Admitting that she had wouldn't change Paraietta's mind. Admitting that she had wouldn't change the remarks of her fellow Sibyllae. She had never needed to admit it to anyone before, and didn't want to start now.

Relief washed over her when she heard Paraietta's retreating footsteps. That last remark had stung, but it didn't bother her much. It didn't change her mind about what she wanted. She would still have Neviril as her pair, and they _would_ complete the Emerald Ri Majon. That was her new goal. That, and find out exactly what miracles it could perform. She would show Paraietta that she was right to allow Neviril as Aaeru's pair.

Aaeru blew on the music box gently as it died down and started the tune once more. She thought of Paraietta's remarks and sighed once more. She had known despair and she had known a pain that twisted her stomach in knots. She hadn't really thought all that much about it since that time. It didn't do any good to dwell on the past. She had lived it and then moved on. But now… she couldn't help thinking about it. Paraietta's words had dug deeper than she'd thought.

It hadn't been something she'd expected back then. She hadn't even realized anything was truly wrong. It just seemed natural that over time, he would get tired more easily. She hadn't minded taking over the chores that needed done. She was happy to help her grandpa out when he needed it. She would let him rest around the house. Things didn't change much. She was happy to help out.

The day she'd come home didn't seem any different at first. She didn't smell any dinner and that should have been her first hint. She'd called out for him, but he hadn't answered. Again, that should have been a second hint, but she didn't think anything of it. He could have gone outside; she knew he was fond of sitting on the back porch in the evening sun. She didn't know then. She didn't know and she wished she had.

Face down on the floor. That was where she'd found him. He looked like he was sleeping, but he wouldn't wake up. She remembered running after that. She didn't know what to do. What was she supposed to do? Aaeru had run for the doctor instead. After that, she really didn't remember very much. It all seemed to blur together.

Aaeru sighed, resting her chin on the railing. Paraietta had no idea what she'd felt. Still, it didn't matter. Her grandpa may be gone, but she was still pushing forward, working to accomplish the dreams he'd left behind, the ones that made her yearn for something more. She knew what she wanted. She knew she needed someone who was the best, just like her. And to be even better, according to Floe, she needed to love her pair to be the best.

Pursing her lips, she tried to think of how to make Neviril see it that way. She grinned as she remembered what Floe had done to show her. She would kiss Neviril. Apparently, she'd feel something if she loved Neviril so if Neviril loved her, she'd feel something in return. She wasn't sure how that was supposed to feel though. She didn't really know much about that sort of thing. Floe apparently knew. If Floe knew and it was supposed to work, well, she'd try it. She tapped the side of her face. Where was Neviril anyway?

Closing the music box, she tucked it away. Well, it didn't matter where Neviril was. The Messis wasn't a very large boat as far as aircraft were concerned. She figured it wouldn't take her long to find Neviril. She racked her brain for the layout of the ship she knew. Neviril wasn't on the upper level, that much she knew.

She strode toward the door, pulling it open. She still had a chance tonight. There was a way to figure out if she loved Neviril, if she could figure out what the feeling was. All she knew is that it wouldn't feel like it did with Floe. She would rush forward and keep trying. Letting the past drag her down was not something Aaeru could ever do.


End file.
